Book-Buying.
I am not good at book-buying.
When I buy clothing, I can generally talk myself down. I already have a white button-down shirt, I don't need one with French cuffs. I already have a black skirt, I don't need a black skirt with a little more swish. Things like that.
But when it comes to books, I absolutely can't do that. My hands take on minds of their own, my eyes voraciously scanning book jackets. Ooh! I don't have a book about a time-traveler's wife! Ooh! I don't have a book about kitchen witchery! Ooh! I don't have a book about a series of unfortunate events (or at least not all of them)! Ooh! I don't, I don't, I don't.
My brother, Cole, does not understand this problem. For him, books are a necessary evil, not an unmatched joy. He stomachs Borders like he would a plate of lima-beans or spinach. It's a "smart place". He thinks I spend too much money on books and magazines.
But to me, Borders is hell and heaven simultaneously, and if you think that's impossible, then you just don't understand what I went through on Monday night at Borders, with my brother and Nikki.
Within ten minutes I was armed with a copy of The Curious Indicent of the Dog in the Night-Time, The Time-Traveler's Wife, and magnetic pick-up lines. (Which are exactly the same as magnetic poetry, but pick-up lines!) As I wandered the bookstore, I picked up and replaced a copy of Wicked at least twice. (I refused to buy it because it had "the musical cover", but Nikki eventually bought it because she is not as big a snob as I am.)
The pagan section invariably draws me. It's not like I'm pagan, because I'm not. But it's just so interesting. I mean, I know enough to avoid Silver Ravenwolf like the plague, but somehow a copy of this year's Witch's Almanac and a copy of Drawing Down the Moon found their way into the stack of things that perched in my lap. But oh, oh, the crowning glory... Kitchen Witchery. A thirty-dollar book that I have longed for and ached for like a lost lover, because it is just exactly what I love.
I put back The Time-Traveler's Wife. I put down the magnetic pick-up lines. I left the Witch's Almanac and Drawing Down the Moon on the shelf. And then... with Nikki's guidance... I left behind The Curious Indicent of the Dog in the Night-Time, because as she so blithely pointed out, I could just borrow it from someone on the Players Anonymous boards.
With the knowledge that she was right, I hung my head and caught up the magnetic pick-up lines again. Kitchen Witchery and magnetic pick-up lines.
I can't spend thirty dollars on a book!!
Of course, it took me another forty-five minutes to realize this, during which I decided to purchase Jack Johnson's In Between Dreams album (which is great, by the way). A copy of Paste magazine later, I was all ready to leave the bookstore... until I realized that I had no actual book in my arms.
This... this was inexcusable.
As we passed the stands on our way to the front counter, I seized another copy of The Curious Indicent of the Dog in the Night-Time. I could make it to the counter and nobody would be any the wiser, nobody!
Until I was bodily attacked by my brother in the middle of Borders and told to put the book back.
What?
I have no reading material! I've read everything on my shelves! Twice! Take me out of this headlock, this is not possible, you cannot do this to me! I don't need it? I don't NEED it?! Are you certain that we are of the same blood?!
And then, I committed a heinous act. I threatened a copy of Reading Lolita in Tehran unless he released me. I threatened to tear it into itty bits unless I was let free.
The desired result achieved, I dashed to the counter with my prize... where I coolly informed the clerk that I meant the book no harm, that I indeed had a copy of Reading Lolita in Tehran at home, and that I hadn't finished reading it yet. That it was all just a clever ploy to get my way. By then he had already scanned the book and my brother could do nothing but call me a cheat and a liar. ("You mean you haven't really read everything on your shelves?! CHELSEY.")
My total came to $32.47.
And then my brother stepped up to the counter... and spent $45.69.
What. Ever.
When I buy clothing, I can generally talk myself down. I already have a white button-down shirt, I don't need one with French cuffs. I already have a black skirt, I don't need a black skirt with a little more swish. Things like that.
But when it comes to books, I absolutely can't do that. My hands take on minds of their own, my eyes voraciously scanning book jackets. Ooh! I don't have a book about a time-traveler's wife! Ooh! I don't have a book about kitchen witchery! Ooh! I don't have a book about a series of unfortunate events (or at least not all of them)! Ooh! I don't, I don't, I don't.
My brother, Cole, does not understand this problem. For him, books are a necessary evil, not an unmatched joy. He stomachs Borders like he would a plate of lima-beans or spinach. It's a "smart place". He thinks I spend too much money on books and magazines.
But to me, Borders is hell and heaven simultaneously, and if you think that's impossible, then you just don't understand what I went through on Monday night at Borders, with my brother and Nikki.
Within ten minutes I was armed with a copy of The Curious Indicent of the Dog in the Night-Time, The Time-Traveler's Wife, and magnetic pick-up lines. (Which are exactly the same as magnetic poetry, but pick-up lines!) As I wandered the bookstore, I picked up and replaced a copy of Wicked at least twice. (I refused to buy it because it had "the musical cover", but Nikki eventually bought it because she is not as big a snob as I am.)
The pagan section invariably draws me. It's not like I'm pagan, because I'm not. But it's just so interesting. I mean, I know enough to avoid Silver Ravenwolf like the plague, but somehow a copy of this year's Witch's Almanac and a copy of Drawing Down the Moon found their way into the stack of things that perched in my lap. But oh, oh, the crowning glory... Kitchen Witchery. A thirty-dollar book that I have longed for and ached for like a lost lover, because it is just exactly what I love.
I put back The Time-Traveler's Wife. I put down the magnetic pick-up lines. I left the Witch's Almanac and Drawing Down the Moon on the shelf. And then... with Nikki's guidance... I left behind The Curious Indicent of the Dog in the Night-Time, because as she so blithely pointed out, I could just borrow it from someone on the Players Anonymous boards.
With the knowledge that she was right, I hung my head and caught up the magnetic pick-up lines again. Kitchen Witchery and magnetic pick-up lines.
I can't spend thirty dollars on a book!!
Of course, it took me another forty-five minutes to realize this, during which I decided to purchase Jack Johnson's In Between Dreams album (which is great, by the way). A copy of Paste magazine later, I was all ready to leave the bookstore... until I realized that I had no actual book in my arms.
This... this was inexcusable.
As we passed the stands on our way to the front counter, I seized another copy of The Curious Indicent of the Dog in the Night-Time. I could make it to the counter and nobody would be any the wiser, nobody!
Until I was bodily attacked by my brother in the middle of Borders and told to put the book back.
What?
I have no reading material! I've read everything on my shelves! Twice! Take me out of this headlock, this is not possible, you cannot do this to me! I don't need it? I don't NEED it?! Are you certain that we are of the same blood?!
And then, I committed a heinous act. I threatened a copy of Reading Lolita in Tehran unless he released me. I threatened to tear it into itty bits unless I was let free.
The desired result achieved, I dashed to the counter with my prize... where I coolly informed the clerk that I meant the book no harm, that I indeed had a copy of Reading Lolita in Tehran at home, and that I hadn't finished reading it yet. That it was all just a clever ploy to get my way. By then he had already scanned the book and my brother could do nothing but call me a cheat and a liar. ("You mean you haven't really read everything on your shelves?! CHELSEY.")
My total came to $32.47.
And then my brother stepped up to the counter... and spent $45.69.
What. Ever.
2 Comments:
You make me smile :)
Bwahahaha!
So, to make it a bit easier on you:
http://www.bookcloseouts.com
My last shipment was six books (hard back, first editions, excellent and new condition) for around 43$US after shipping.
I have problems in bookstores as well, which is why I go to the used bookstores. I get more bang for the buck and can justify it easier.
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